I have profiles on a variety of internet sites; twitter, facebook, gay.com, various videogame sites, etc. But the only profile that I let my IRL friends and family (no I don’t have online family) see is my facebook account. And even there I only show them my real personal facebook where I can keep in touch with all my friends and family across the pond, never my pondpseudonym “Sweedie” facebook (that I just started a few days ago btw). I am very private when it comes to my online “life” (I put life in quotation marks because, well… let’s be real, it’s not much of a life.), and I’m starting to wonder if it’s because I’m gay or if it’s something that most people do.
When I finally admitted to myself that I was gay I was in the closet for at least two years before I told anyone about it. It wasn’t so much that I was ashamed, it was mostly because I wanted to explore this side of me by myself before I had anyone either cast judgement or be proud of me for being strong and coming out. Since I was (and still am) a huge computer geek I turned to the internet to explore my desires. I think this is where all the secrecy came into play. I was still living with my parents, so I had to be careful with what my browser’s history said, and since I wasn’t out there was no way that I could show them any of my online profiles. Same with my friends, I never really talked to them about what I did on the internet, but then again… that is kind of a boring subject anyway.
Now I’m basically completely out, most of my friends know of my situation, my family knows about me, but I’m still
not open about my online “life”. I have shown one of my friends my gay.com profile. I haven’t showed anyone my twitter page, and I haven’t even told anyone about this blog. I do have some theories about why this is, my first one is that I’m just so much more riskay online than I am IRL. It’s not that I’m shy outside the internet, it’s just that I’m just so… unshy inside of it. I feel like I can say whatever I want on here without anyone going “that boy is craaazy”, which is probably completely inaccurate by the way. My second theory is that I’m still stuck in the mindset that I have to hide my online profiles from my real life because I’m still not completely comfortable to let people into my life a hundred percent. I mean, let’s be real, I’ve done some nasty shit on some of these site, I’m talking kinky to the max, and I’m just not sure I want anyone to know about that. Although what I just wrote might be a lie, I’ve still wrote, and said, some stupid shit online and I guess I’m just scared that it will come back to haunt me in the future. Letting people in fully has never been my strong point when it comes to personal relationships, and I guess hiding my online identity is just another way to keeping that going…
How do you manage your online “life”? Are you completely open to your real life friends and your family about what you do online? Or do you prefer to keep the lid on for most of them?