Tag Archives: homo

Are We Really This Pathetic?

The other day I had an online conversation with a gay man. He was an older nice gentleman, not in a relationship but he did have some thoughts on my relationship. For those of you who don’t know; I’ve been in a relationship for over four years now. My partner is older than I am, but hey, that’s how I like em. Anyway, this older gentleman and I had a conversation about a variety of stuff, but it was the last thing we talked about that really got my mind rolling. He gave me advice that, in reality probably is good advice, but at the same time… are gay people really so pathetic that I would have to take it?

The advice he gave me was that I should always have safe sex, even though I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over four years. It doesn’t sound so terrible, and to some it may even sound like a smart thing to do. But think about this, my partner and I haven’t had safe sex in over three years. In the beginning of our relationship we did, and after a year we got tested and decided to skip the rubber. I like bare backing, I can’t lie about that, but I would never do it with someone that I can’t trust or that I don’t know is clean. So, now after we’ve made this decision together, should I all of a sudden say to him that I want to bring the little rubber ducky into our sex life again? So much for a hot threesome…

Telling my partner that I want to bring condoms back into our relationship is telling him one of two things; I’m either telling him “Haha, I’m cheating on you so we need to use rubbers again because I don’t want to give you my adulterating bugs.” or I’m telling him “Bitch, I don’t trust you, so you gotta wear this condom”. I’m not sure which one is better to be honest… Either way, it’s all about trust.

I’ve never heard anyone give the advice to a straight couple before. “You’ve been married four years? Time to get the rubber back into the relationship, you know… with all the HIV floating around”. Come on, the only reason he said it was because we have a same-sex relationship. I’m not gonna brush under the carpet that gays are more promiscuous than straights, because we are, it’s even scientifically proven that we are, but the data also shows that gay men are about as unfaithful as straight men are. So why should there be any more risk of catching a bug if you’re in a gay relationship, than if you’re in a straight one? When HIV first blew up around the world it is true that gay men was a larger group of infected people than any other, but it has pretty much evened out over the years, and now the rates are about the same between gays and straights. The more important question however is, why should I have to be more worried about my partner cheating on me, than a straight woman? As I said, the data shows that straight men are in the same range of being as unfaithful as gay men, but I can’t see anyone having this conversation with a straight married/tied-up woman.

The whole thing comes down to how we see ourselves and our group. Are we really so pathetic that we must constantly be on our toes about our partners cheating even if the relationship has been solid for four plus years? I can tell you that I won’t be, I trust my partner completely, and I’m pretty sure he trusts me completely as well. And honestly, if someone has this conversation with me again, I think I will be more offended than I was this time…

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