Tag Archives: sex

Rick Perry Confuses Me…

So, Rick Perry has a new ad out in which he is extremely offensive to both the gay community and the military. What makes his ad even more reprehensible is that his staff managed to disable the comments section on youtube so that no one can voice their opinions about the ad. Luckily his staff forgot to disable the ratings functionality and with over 300,000 dislikes (compared to the ~8,000 likes), the public’s opinion on this ad is pretty clear. What confuses me about Rick Perry though is that while I feel like going to his house with the sole purpose of spitting in his face, I would most likely end up doing much dirtier things to his face as well.

Because, irregardless of his political views, Rick Perry is fucking hot to me. I’m a gay man and while I am merely 25 years old I am only attracted to men well above 40. Most people immediately make the assumption that it has something to do with money, believe me it does not. I just don’t find younger guys attractive at all. I like my men to be more mature, masculine, and preferably gray haired. It’s just my preference, and unfortunately Rick Perry fits that description to a T. I also have a thing for suits which only further increases my attraction to him. It’s like an internal battle between my big brain and my smaller brain. Luckily my big brain wins out because as excited as my penis gets whenever I see a picture of him, the minute he opens his mouth the excitement turns into anger. I guess there is such a thing as aggressive sex, but I generally prefer to be on the subordinate end on the aggression (TMI I know).

Anyway… To sum up: while I feel like punching the guy in the mouth, I also feel like putting my penis in there. I’m so confused…

Ps. In case you haven’t seen the ad, this is not it, but it’s funny:
 

Decoding Online Profiles

I’ve already written a guide on how you make your online profile more successful (you can find the guide by clicking on this link). Then I thought… that is not the only information that is good to have when navigating the online dating/sex jungle. I’ve been a member of a few dating/gay online communities for many years now, so I’ve come across pretty much every type of profile and person there is to come across, and therefore I think I am pretty eligible to try and decipher some of the lies that the common dating profile contains. Please take the second part lightly as it’s just generalizations and some are just plain jokes. But maybe you will find this information useful in some way!

I want to start off on a very serious note, this is something that I’ve seen time and time again, so please take this part very seriously. Be aware of scammers!! It’s not very easy to detect a scammer at first, they are usually very nice, and seem very interested in you and what you have to offer as a person. Sometimes you may even have interaction with the scammer for weeks, even months before he makes his true move. There are some very real signs that will help clue you in on whether you’re dealing with a scammer or not.
First, common sense. Does he seem too good to be true? You know the saying “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is”, and it’s usually the case with online encounters as well. A scammer is very skilled with how he interacts with people, he will make it seem as if you’re the perfect soul mates, and agree with mostly everything you’re saying.
Second, does he have excuse after excuse? The excuses can be anything from “I don’t have a camera”, to “I don’t have another picture on my computer”.  A scammer usually only has limited amounts of pictures of himself, simply because he does not look anything like the picture he has up on his profile. That is also why he doesn’t have a web camera even though you can buy for about $10 these days.
Finally, and this is of course the ‘move’ he will make, has he asked you for money? This can be done in a variety of ways, but usually he asks for money in order to come and see you. Please please be aware of this, no matter how badly you want to meet him. Instead you should offer to go and meet him where he lives, and if he has more excuses to why you can’t come there, then you know for sure that it’s a scammer you’re dealing with. He may also ask for money for other reasons, such as “I’m late on my car payment, can you help out?”, or “My mom is in the hospital and I need money to help pay the bills”, etc. In a few cases the person may actually tell the truth, but from my experience they are not in the majority of the cases. Once he gets his money he will disappear never to be heard from again. The scammer may have multiple profiles and be dealing with multiple people simultaneously in order to maximize his profit. Once again, this is very serious, and please look for these signs in order to minimize your risk of being scammed.

Now for the more lighthearted profile decoding. Like I said above, I’ve been browsing the gay dating sites for many years now and there are certain elements of a profile that I always come across and that in the majority of the cases seem to have the same hidden meaning. If a profile says that he is “Discreet”, it simply means that he is either married to a woman and has kids and sleeps around on her with guys on the side, or it means that he’s working for a company or organization that discriminates against gays in a major way. When you see the word “Taboo”, the usual explanation is that the man behind the profile either is a pedophile and want you to role play being his 12 year old son, or he likes to eat shit. If you see someone list their weight at 250 lbs, it’s safe to assume that he is closer to 300 lbs. A profile listing their age at 60, they are more likely closer to 70, and if a profile is listed as 18 it either means that he has been 18 for 11 years, or that he is actually 16 lying about his age in order to not be kicked off the site for being a minor. A profile without a picture, but still stating that he is good looking, usually means he is not. It is also safe to say that you can take off at least two inches off of any type of measurement posted, whether it be height or… you know… And finally, if a profile says that they are “Masculine” but lists their interests as “Gardening, Cooking, Interior Design, etc” it is safe to assume that they are more masculine than RuPaul, but less masculine than Martha Stewart.

What elements have you noticed on dating profiles that always seem to have a hidden meaning?

Are We Really This Pathetic?

The other day I had an online conversation with a gay man. He was an older nice gentleman, not in a relationship but he did have some thoughts on my relationship. For those of you who don’t know; I’ve been in a relationship for over four years now. My partner is older than I am, but hey, that’s how I like em. Anyway, this older gentleman and I had a conversation about a variety of stuff, but it was the last thing we talked about that really got my mind rolling. He gave me advice that, in reality probably is good advice, but at the same time… are gay people really so pathetic that I would have to take it?

The advice he gave me was that I should always have safe sex, even though I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over four years. It doesn’t sound so terrible, and to some it may even sound like a smart thing to do. But think about this, my partner and I haven’t had safe sex in over three years. In the beginning of our relationship we did, and after a year we got tested and decided to skip the rubber. I like bare backing, I can’t lie about that, but I would never do it with someone that I can’t trust or that I don’t know is clean. So, now after we’ve made this decision together, should I all of a sudden say to him that I want to bring the little rubber ducky into our sex life again? So much for a hot threesome…

Telling my partner that I want to bring condoms back into our relationship is telling him one of two things; I’m either telling him “Haha, I’m cheating on you so we need to use rubbers again because I don’t want to give you my adulterating bugs.” or I’m telling him “Bitch, I don’t trust you, so you gotta wear this condom”. I’m not sure which one is better to be honest… Either way, it’s all about trust.

I’ve never heard anyone give the advice to a straight couple before. “You’ve been married four years? Time to get the rubber back into the relationship, you know… with all the HIV floating around”. Come on, the only reason he said it was because we have a same-sex relationship. I’m not gonna brush under the carpet that gays are more promiscuous than straights, because we are, it’s even scientifically proven that we are, but the data also shows that gay men are about as unfaithful as straight men are. So why should there be any more risk of catching a bug if you’re in a gay relationship, than if you’re in a straight one? When HIV first blew up around the world it is true that gay men was a larger group of infected people than any other, but it has pretty much evened out over the years, and now the rates are about the same between gays and straights. The more important question however is, why should I have to be more worried about my partner cheating on me, than a straight woman? As I said, the data shows that straight men are in the same range of being as unfaithful as gay men, but I can’t see anyone having this conversation with a straight married/tied-up woman.

The whole thing comes down to how we see ourselves and our group. Are we really so pathetic that we must constantly be on our toes about our partners cheating even if the relationship has been solid for four plus years? I can tell you that I won’t be, I trust my partner completely, and I’m pretty sure he trusts me completely as well. And honestly, if someone has this conversation with me again, I think I will be more offended than I was this time…

Gays are Sinners, Yet You Fuck Around on Your Wife

Oh laaawdy lawd. This week married New York republican representative Chris Lee was caught cruising for women on craigslist (which is so 2006 btw). To me it’s starting to get real fucking laughable how these people time and time again get caught in these type of situations. It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, or get caught going to strip clubs, or get caught with a hooker. It’s another thing being a politician doing it. And it’s even worse when you’re a Republican politician doing it. The reason for the latest statement is very clear and simple; republicans are time and time again working against gay rights, and trying to uphold this so called “sanctity of marriage” that they so clearly possess a shitload of.

I honestly don’t care what people do on their spare time, if they want to fuck around on their wives, go ahead, I have nothing to do with that. Even though their wives are getting hurt, it’s still a matter for them to deal with, not me. However, when my personal and my minority group’s rights are being challenged by said adulterer, that’s when it gets to be my business. Who the fuck are you to say that my MONOGAMOUS loving relationship is sinful and shouldn’t be acknowledged by the federal government as legitimate as to grant us the ca 1,200 benefits that come with a legally bound partnership, when you clearly can’t keep your dirty ass dick in your pants? <insert more curse words here>

And this week’s republican scandal is just a drop in the whore-filled sea that is the republican sex scandals. I was going to make a list of every single one in the recent years, but after doing some research I found that that would take me about a year and a half, so I’m just going to put down the juiciest and gayest ones:

2010: Roy Ashburn, California State Senator gets arrested for drunk driving on his way home from a gay bar. Later he admitted to being gay. AssFuckingHole.

2009: Alan David Berlin, aide of Senator Jane Orie of Pennsylvania gets arrested for sending detailed emails to a fifteen year old boy. The emails consisted of sexual innuendos and fantasies where he dressed up as a panda bear (I can’t make this shit up). People with this sexual fetish are called “Furries”, people wanting sex with fifteen year old boys are called pedophiles. PedoBear.

2009: John Ensign, Senator from Nevada gets ousted for fucking around on his wife with a married staffer. Later he accuses her of trying to extort him, but evidence comes out that shows he was trying to pay her off to keep quiet. AssMunch.

2008: Matthew Joseph Elliott, aide of Mitt Romney, is convicted of sexually exploiting a child. PedoAss.

2008: Robert McKee, Maryland delegate, convicted of possession of child porn. PedoFuck.

2007: Robert “Bob” Allen, Florida state representative, got caught by a male undercover cop trying to buy oral sex for $20 from him. CheapFuck.

2007: Richard Curtis, Washington state representative, got caught with a male escort. This fucker voted time and time again against a variety of gay rights-issues. HypocriticalDick.

2006: Mark Foley, Florida republican representative, sex chat with several men. This was attempted to be covered up by such big shots as John Boehner (hehe Boner). AssDick.

2005: John Gosek, Mayor of Oswego, NY, got arrested for paying an undercover cop $250 to take him to a hotel room to have sex with two 15 year old girls. PayingPedo.

2005: Jeff Miller, Senate Caucus Chairman in Tennessee, sponsor of Tennessee Marriage Protection Act, gets divorced because of being an adulterer. He supported the Marriage Protection Act, except for the part about not being a sleezy fuckass and not cheat on your wife. SinfulFuck.

2005: Jeffrey Kyle Randall, Mayor of Clarkfield, Minnesota, got sentenced to jail for molesting two under-aged boys (10 and 12) during a six year period. PedoMayo.

2005: Jim West, Mayor of Spokane, had a sexual relationship with an 18 year old man. He supported bills that would have prevented gay people from working in schools, daycare centers, etc. He also voted against the state being able to distribute pamphlets on how to protect yourself from getting HIV. And lastly said that “any touching of the sexual or other intimate parts of a person” among teenagers should be criminalized. I guess that didn’t work out too well for ya, did it. FittHora.

Ok, those were some of the best examples from the last few years. There’s a whole list of republican sex scandals that can be found here.
http://www.dkosopedia.com/wiki/Republican_Sex_Scandals
Enjoy the reading.

To be a little bit serious for a while. People may come at me saying “not all republicans engage in this behavior” or “not all republicans are against gay rights”. And sure, those people are right. However, there is a buttload of republican sex scandals, ranging from Senators, to Priests, to Radio show hosts. And it is fact that the majority of the republican party has voted against, or come out against, bills/legislatures that would grant gays rights in this country. That’s why this whole thing is so hypocritical. If you think marriage is so holy and should be protected from us evil gays at all cost, then the first step you should take is to keep your dick in your pants. It’s as simple as that. You can’t come to me and tell me that how I live my life is wrong, or sinful, based upon a book that also clearly states what you’re doing is wrong, or sinful. Probably a lot more wrong and sinful than what I’m doing too.

Say what you want about other type of issues the republicans stand for, but honestly, if you are gay and you care about gay rights, are these really the people you want to associate yourself with? (I’m talking to you Jimmy LaSalvia). I understand that people have different ideas about the economy, national protection, welfare systems, or whatever, but at this point in time when we as a group really do lack a lot of rights in society, what is more important? It may be a bit selfish to only focus on this issue, but at the same time, enough is fucking enough (I had to get one more “Fuck” in there).

Fuck count: 15

Sociology of Sexuality is One Piece of Hot Class!

Last night I had my first class in “Sociology of Sexuality” (for those who don’t know, I’m a Biology major and a Sociology Minor), and all I can say is… WOW. I didn’t really know what to expect from this class going into it, and I’m glad I didn’t because I could never have imagined what the content of the course would be. The main reason I signed up for this class is because I’m gay and I thought that maybe I would learn a little bit about why gays are suppressed in society, etc. Unfortunately the teacher made a point early on to say that she wanted to teach it more in that way, but there just isn’t enough published research in order to base a large section of the class on that subject. We will, however, touch on it, but not as much as may be needed.

Anyway, the class started off as any other class starts off the first time you attend it; introduction to the course and going over the syllabus. Once that was done though we started to get into sex in different cultures, and man nothing was left to the imagination. The whole purpose of this sextion was to understand that how we have sex, and how sex is viewed in today’s society, is not anything that is wired within us since birth, but something that is learned from parents and society as a whole. In order to do this we went over research done on other cultures, mainly about how they have sex and how foreplay is performed. And let me tell you… there are some fucked up societies out there. Of course I only say this because I have my taught notion of what sex should be like, but with that said, damn there are some fucked up societies out there. The biggest surprise to me was that the most widely used form of foreplay in the world was grooming and delousing. Meaning; picking lice out of one’s hair, and making the other person pretty. This is also something that is very prevalent with primates (That’s another one for you Darwin-doubters). In some societies foreplay had to go on for 6-8 hours if the actual penetrating action would even take place. By god, that is some serious petting right there. In others the foreplay got so intense that blood was actually shed.

A funny thing about masturbation was also brought to my attention. In most societies it is actually normal for children to masturbate (this is what the data says, don’t blame the messenger), and not for the adults to do so, yet in our (western) society it is the exact opposite. Tied into this is that the orgasm itself can actually have healing powers, and so can a simple touch by another human. So think about that before you teach your kids that they’ll go blind if they jerk off, when it’s more likely that they’ll go blind from not jerking off.

The most important thing for me personally that I learned in this first session was the little bit we did, in fact, learn about homosexuality. It was a history lesson that everyone should have an understanding about before judging someone for their sexual preference. In ancient Greece homosexuality was not seen as anything abnormal, and was practiced pretty freely, and in some instances even required in order to “please thy master”. At this time Christians and Jews were at war with Greece and of course that brought about a bunch of animosity towards everything they stood for, including the free-spirited homosexual attitude they had. That is explained as one of the major reasons why there is such a stigma around homosexuality in today’s society, and probably why there is such emphasis put on the one section in the bible that makes life less enjoyable for a large group of people (when there are numerous other things in the bible that are ignored – more on this topic to come here btw). It was just interesting to me to find out a little bit about the history about the stigmatization of gays in today’s society.

Overall this seems like a class that I will take away a lot from, both good and bad. I’m starting to feel more and more that sociology as a whole is a subject that should be required for everyone to take. Last semester I took a class called “Social Inequality” and it gave me so much. Sure, I came out depressed after every session, but I have such a broad understanding about inequalities present in today’s society now. And I feel that this class will teach me a great deal about society as a whole as well, even if it will get a little naughty at times. But hey, who said I don’t enjoy being naughty at times?

Sweedie’s Guide to Online Dating Success

I like to chat with people online, I’ve been doing it for a long time and I still do it from time to time. When I started chatting the object was to explore my newly discovered sexuality, and eventually find someone nice and respectable to go on a date with. A lot of people frown upon online dating, and a lot of people should. It can be extremely dirty… but it can also be extremely giving, it mostly depends on what you make it out to be. If you ignore the dirty people just looking for sex, it can be an incredible experience that potentially could find you a mate for life. This was how I met my partner of (soon to be) four years, and this is how some of my best friends met as well. There is some luck involved in finding someone online, and in order to improve your odds, there are some guide lines that should be followed. So here comes my guide on how to create, form, and sculpt your online dating profile in order to improve your odds of finding a potential mate. (I’m going at it from a gay perspective, but straight people are welcome to continue reading on if they like… just be careful so I don’t turn you).

SHOW A PICTURE!!!!!

Sorry for screaming, but this is THE most important step in creating a successful online dating profile. If you’re uncomfortable with showing your face, show your feet, show your ear, show your flabby stomach if that’s what you got, I don’t care what it is, SHOW SOMETHING! It is scientifically proven that an online profile with a picture showing is 456% more successful than profiles without one. Ok, that might have been statistics pulled straight from my boy pussy, but I know for a fact that people on the hunt for someone don’t tend to look at profiles that don’t have a picture showing. So put up a picture!!! Have you done it yet? I’m waiting……. DO IT!!

Write Something Interesting About Yourself

Or at least write something interesting regardless of what it is. If you write something original, funny, or clever you will stand out from the pack. The standard “Hello, I’m X, and I’m looking for Y” doesn’t really work in the online dating jungle anymore (unless you find someone that has a dyeing attraction to variables). Another thing to point out, that I also addresses further down in this point, Be Positive! I see profiles that are filled with self load, and sometimes even anger. Just something as simple as writing “I’m interested in a person that has these qualities: x, y, z” will give such a more positive image of yourself than if you wrote “If you have qualities x, y, z, Don’t contact me!!”. You don’t want to come over as arrogant and angry at the world, nor self loading and desperate. Try to find a good balance of positiveness, originality, humor, and substance.

Make Your Profile As Complete As Possible

Fill out as many options as you’re comfortable with. Not only will this give other people a better sense of who you are, but it will also generate more hits towards your profile when people use the search function on the website.

Look At Other People’s Profiles

Most dating sites have a feature that will allow other people to see who has visited their profile. It seems as if most people are interested to see who has checked them out, and usually they click on those profiles to check them out in return.

Don’t Be Afraid To Say Hi

Even if you think that a person you find attractive is way out of your league, say hi! The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t say hi back, or turns out to be a complete ass (but who wants those people anyway, right?). Spark up a conversation, but don’t start with “You’re so fucking hot, I want to suck you so bad”. That might work if the person you’re approaching is a total slut, but most of the times it doesn’t generate anything but aggression and disgust. Be nice, and take it slow, talk to someone online as you would in real life.

Don’t Pity Yourself

“I’m so lonely, I haven’t had a date in ages, wah wah” STOP IT! No one wants to hear about your failed dating life. Even if you do feel sorry for yourself, and nothing is going your way, don’t let other people know. It’s an instant turn off, and I promise you that being positive will give you a much better chance of getting some interested in you.

Be Truthful

Don’t lie about yourself, it will only come back to haunt you. What if you claim that you have a 9 inch penis, and then you actually get a date with someone and it turns out you only have a 5 inch… awkwaaard. Of course penis size isn’t the only example, and definitely not the most important one, but you get what I mean. Don’t post pictures of someone else, don’t claim that you’re fit as a rock and then show up with a 40 inch waist, don’t claim to make 100 grand a year and then post a picture of you chilling on the front porch of your trailer. This doesn’t mean that you need to reveal everything about yourself right away, but when you do reveal something about yourself, be truthful about it.

Don’t Be Too Picky

You might want to only talk to the people that you find attractive, but there are so many interesting people out there. One thing that I have found is that the people that are very good looking and get a lot of attention won’t pay you much attention in return. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go for it, but just consider talking to someone that you might not find incredibly attractive at the first glance. A person is like an orange, it’s all pretty and tanned on the outside, but the peel is not what you’re after, it’s all the meat on the inside that’s the interesting part. And if you’re lucky, you might even choke on a seed once you get in there.

So, to sum up. Be original, be interesting, show some form of picture, don’t be an ass, don’t eat the peel of the orange, and just be yourself. This will take you a long way, and I promise you it will at least generate more hits to your online dating profile.