Rick Perry Confuses Me…

So, Rick Perry has a new ad out in which he is extremely offensive to both the gay community and the military. What makes his ad even more reprehensible is that his staff managed to disable the comments section on youtube so that no one can voice their opinions about the ad. Luckily his staff forgot to disable the ratings functionality and with over 300,000 dislikes (compared to the ~8,000 likes), the public’s opinion on this ad is pretty clear. What confuses me about Rick Perry though is that while I feel like going to his house with the sole purpose of spitting in his face, I would most likely end up doing much dirtier things to his face as well.

Because, irregardless of his political views, Rick Perry is fucking hot to me. I’m a gay man and while I am merely 25 years old I am only attracted to men well above 40. Most people immediately make the assumption that it has something to do with money, believe me it does not. I just don’t find younger guys attractive at all. I like my men to be more mature, masculine, and preferably gray haired. It’s just my preference, and unfortunately Rick Perry fits that description to a T. I also have a thing for suits which only further increases my attraction to him. It’s like an internal battle between my big brain and my smaller brain. Luckily my big brain wins out because as excited as my penis gets whenever I see a picture of him, the minute he opens his mouth the excitement turns into anger. I guess there is such a thing as aggressive sex, but I generally prefer to be on the subordinate end on the aggression (TMI I know).

Anyway… To sum up: while I feel like punching the guy in the mouth, I also feel like putting my penis in there. I’m so confused…

Ps. In case you haven’t seen the ad, this is not it, but it’s funny:
 

The Fascist State of America

Put your tiny foil hats on for a bit, I just need to get something out. Recent events have truly made me think that this country is actually going towards a totalitarian fascist state. I know it’s a cliche by now, but sometimes it really feels as if I’m living in a Orwell novel. Let’s start with the most obvious thing that happened recently, the crackdowns on the Occupy Wall Street camps around the country.

The crackdowns have taken place all over the country, and they have all had a very similar pattern. They all happened at night, with no previous warning or demand for protesters to leave, and they all happened by force. On top of that there have been reports that the Department of Homeland Security have participated in a meeting with 18 mayors from all around the country to discuss how to suppress the protesters. Unless it’s not clear, that is against federal law. Going a little deeper and looking at specific events it’s pretty clear that police did everything in their power to suppress the protesters, most likely not by their own will or thought, but by orders from their superiors. Pepper spraying non-violent defenseless people that, sure, were occupying a space, but did not show any signs of force whatsoever. In fact one of the biggest mantras of these protesters is peace, not force. Or the use of tear gas to clear people out, some that hit people and severely injure them. I know that some of you will shake your head and say that these people had it coming, and that they are just lazy bums that wants a hand out, and all I have to say to you at this point is open your eyes. It’s very clear what the OWS movement is after by now, it’s not about getting a handout or the inability to get a job, it’s about three very specific things. 1) To hold the banks responsible for their very large part in the economic crash. 2) To minimize the growing inequality gap that exists in the U.S. (i.e. save the middle class from vanishing). 3) Get the money out of politics. This mainly refers to the fact that corporations can now donate as much money as they like to any candidate they want, and in effect buy a candidate. Money apparently rules everything, so with enough money, big corporations can buy themselves any type of freedom they like to have. Which gets me to another point. How is it that it’s ok for people to camp out in public waiting for stores to open for black Friday, or to go and see the new Twilight movie, or a Justin Bieber concert, but not ok for people to camp out in protest of the wrongs that is going on in this country? Well, the answer is very simple to me, even if the answer is truly fucked up: Capitalism. The occupiers aren’t camping out to buy anything like the other groups of people are. It’s clear what this country is going towards, and it’s not the rights of the people, but the rights of the corporations, so of course every effort to suppress a movement that is against that will be taken.

But enough about the OWS situation, there is enough information about that for anyone to find, and if you don’t want to find it then keep your eyes closed and forever be a sheep. There is something else that I really want to talk about and that is something that happened this past weekend. It’s not really a big deal, that is, unless it wouldn’t have become such a big deal. A girl tweeted (to her staggering 65 Twitter followers) that she said mean things to the governor of Kansas in person. See, not a big deal right? It’s what happened next that is the big deal. Somehow someone in the governor’s office sensed some fowl words being said about her boss, and decided to bring it to the girl’s boss’ (i.e. her high school principal’s) attention. The principal called the girl into his office and demanded that she wrote the governor an apology letter and told her that she had put the whole school and the state to shame by tweeting what she did. Really? First of all, she is an 18 year old girl tweeting to 65 of her twitter friends… no one cares. Second of all, she has the right to say whatever the fuck she wants about whoever the fuck she wants. What’s funny to me is that the person in the governor’s office that contacted the principal has as her main job to monitor negative comments that are being said about the governor on social media sites. It’s like some type of gestapo lap dog sniffing out teenagers who disagrees with the governor’s policies. Well Ms. Lapdog, sniff out this: GOVERNOR SAM BROWNBACK IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND SHOULD NOT BE IN OFFICE. Are you gonna call my mommy on me? Stupid bitch… Sorry, back to the point. The fact that a governor has someone that not only monitors social media in order to find negative comments about him, but also goes to such an extent as to pretty much intimidate anyone that expresses their views to retract and apologize is just first hand fascism. I guess Kansas is the new Sicily…

Ok, pull down your foil hats even further now because here comes the big one. Within a minimum of 20 years there will be devices out there that can read our minds. This is not a joke, nor is it a crazy conspiracy theory, it’s fact. If you don’t believe me just click on this link: THIS ONE, RIGHT HERE!!! Sure, it does not say anything about any projection of true mind reading being finalized within any specific time frame, but just think about it. If today’s technology is so good that it can recreate images a person is looking at using only readings of that said person’s brain activity, it’s 99.999999% certain that within 20 years the technique will be perfected. Why do I bring this up? Well, in 20 years you won’t have anyone scanning the social media web for ‘disloyal’ teens, you will be scanning buildings for disloyal thoughts. And anyone with those thoughts better watch out, or your boss will call you into his office…

If you take away some very fundamental rights, rights that America and most of the developed countries, are based upon such as the right to protest, the right to free speech, and in the future, the right to free thought… then what is left is a fascist state almost identical to the one George Orwell predicted would come true in 1984, just a couple of decades late. I could go on and on about other things that show big signs toward this type of state becoming a reality, but I’ve already ranted on for over 1100 words, and frankly I’m tired.

Decoding Online Profiles

I’ve already written a guide on how you make your online profile more successful (you can find the guide by clicking on this link). Then I thought… that is not the only information that is good to have when navigating the online dating/sex jungle. I’ve been a member of a few dating/gay online communities for many years now, so I’ve come across pretty much every type of profile and person there is to come across, and therefore I think I am pretty eligible to try and decipher some of the lies that the common dating profile contains. Please take the second part lightly as it’s just generalizations and some are just plain jokes. But maybe you will find this information useful in some way!

I want to start off on a very serious note, this is something that I’ve seen time and time again, so please take this part very seriously. Be aware of scammers!! It’s not very easy to detect a scammer at first, they are usually very nice, and seem very interested in you and what you have to offer as a person. Sometimes you may even have interaction with the scammer for weeks, even months before he makes his true move. There are some very real signs that will help clue you in on whether you’re dealing with a scammer or not.
First, common sense. Does he seem too good to be true? You know the saying “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is”, and it’s usually the case with online encounters as well. A scammer is very skilled with how he interacts with people, he will make it seem as if you’re the perfect soul mates, and agree with mostly everything you’re saying.
Second, does he have excuse after excuse? The excuses can be anything from “I don’t have a camera”, to “I don’t have another picture on my computer”.  A scammer usually only has limited amounts of pictures of himself, simply because he does not look anything like the picture he has up on his profile. That is also why he doesn’t have a web camera even though you can buy for about $10 these days.
Finally, and this is of course the ‘move’ he will make, has he asked you for money? This can be done in a variety of ways, but usually he asks for money in order to come and see you. Please please be aware of this, no matter how badly you want to meet him. Instead you should offer to go and meet him where he lives, and if he has more excuses to why you can’t come there, then you know for sure that it’s a scammer you’re dealing with. He may also ask for money for other reasons, such as “I’m late on my car payment, can you help out?”, or “My mom is in the hospital and I need money to help pay the bills”, etc. In a few cases the person may actually tell the truth, but from my experience they are not in the majority of the cases. Once he gets his money he will disappear never to be heard from again. The scammer may have multiple profiles and be dealing with multiple people simultaneously in order to maximize his profit. Once again, this is very serious, and please look for these signs in order to minimize your risk of being scammed.

Now for the more lighthearted profile decoding. Like I said above, I’ve been browsing the gay dating sites for many years now and there are certain elements of a profile that I always come across and that in the majority of the cases seem to have the same hidden meaning. If a profile says that he is “Discreet”, it simply means that he is either married to a woman and has kids and sleeps around on her with guys on the side, or it means that he’s working for a company or organization that discriminates against gays in a major way. When you see the word “Taboo”, the usual explanation is that the man behind the profile either is a pedophile and want you to role play being his 12 year old son, or he likes to eat shit. If you see someone list their weight at 250 lbs, it’s safe to assume that he is closer to 300 lbs. A profile listing their age at 60, they are more likely closer to 70, and if a profile is listed as 18 it either means that he has been 18 for 11 years, or that he is actually 16 lying about his age in order to not be kicked off the site for being a minor. A profile without a picture, but still stating that he is good looking, usually means he is not. It is also safe to say that you can take off at least two inches off of any type of measurement posted, whether it be height or… you know… And finally, if a profile says that they are “Masculine” but lists their interests as “Gardening, Cooking, Interior Design, etc” it is safe to assume that they are more masculine than RuPaul, but less masculine than Martha Stewart.

What elements have you noticed on dating profiles that always seem to have a hidden meaning?

Are We Really This Pathetic?

The other day I had an online conversation with a gay man. He was an older nice gentleman, not in a relationship but he did have some thoughts on my relationship. For those of you who don’t know; I’ve been in a relationship for over four years now. My partner is older than I am, but hey, that’s how I like em. Anyway, this older gentleman and I had a conversation about a variety of stuff, but it was the last thing we talked about that really got my mind rolling. He gave me advice that, in reality probably is good advice, but at the same time… are gay people really so pathetic that I would have to take it?

The advice he gave me was that I should always have safe sex, even though I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over four years. It doesn’t sound so terrible, and to some it may even sound like a smart thing to do. But think about this, my partner and I haven’t had safe sex in over three years. In the beginning of our relationship we did, and after a year we got tested and decided to skip the rubber. I like bare backing, I can’t lie about that, but I would never do it with someone that I can’t trust or that I don’t know is clean. So, now after we’ve made this decision together, should I all of a sudden say to him that I want to bring the little rubber ducky into our sex life again? So much for a hot threesome…

Telling my partner that I want to bring condoms back into our relationship is telling him one of two things; I’m either telling him “Haha, I’m cheating on you so we need to use rubbers again because I don’t want to give you my adulterating bugs.” or I’m telling him “Bitch, I don’t trust you, so you gotta wear this condom”. I’m not sure which one is better to be honest… Either way, it’s all about trust.

I’ve never heard anyone give the advice to a straight couple before. “You’ve been married four years? Time to get the rubber back into the relationship, you know… with all the HIV floating around”. Come on, the only reason he said it was because we have a same-sex relationship. I’m not gonna brush under the carpet that gays are more promiscuous than straights, because we are, it’s even scientifically proven that we are, but the data also shows that gay men are about as unfaithful as straight men are. So why should there be any more risk of catching a bug if you’re in a gay relationship, than if you’re in a straight one? When HIV first blew up around the world it is true that gay men was a larger group of infected people than any other, but it has pretty much evened out over the years, and now the rates are about the same between gays and straights. The more important question however is, why should I have to be more worried about my partner cheating on me, than a straight woman? As I said, the data shows that straight men are in the same range of being as unfaithful as gay men, but I can’t see anyone having this conversation with a straight married/tied-up woman.

The whole thing comes down to how we see ourselves and our group. Are we really so pathetic that we must constantly be on our toes about our partners cheating even if the relationship has been solid for four plus years? I can tell you that I won’t be, I trust my partner completely, and I’m pretty sure he trusts me completely as well. And honestly, if someone has this conversation with me again, I think I will be more offended than I was this time…

Gays are Sinners, Yet You Fuck Around on Your Wife

Oh laaawdy lawd. This week married New York republican representative Chris Lee was caught cruising for women on craigslist (which is so 2006 btw). To me it’s starting to get real fucking laughable how these people time and time again get caught in these type of situations. It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, or get caught going to strip clubs, or get caught with a hooker. It’s another thing being a politician doing it. And it’s even worse when you’re a Republican politician doing it. The reason for the latest statement is very clear and simple; republicans are time and time again working against gay rights, and trying to uphold this so called “sanctity of marriage” that they so clearly possess a shitload of.

I honestly don’t care what people do on their spare time, if they want to fuck around on their wives, go ahead, I have nothing to do with that. Even though their wives are getting hurt, it’s still a matter for them to deal with, not me. However, when my personal and my minority group’s rights are being challenged by said adulterer, that’s when it gets to be my business. Who the fuck are you to say that my MONOGAMOUS loving relationship is sinful and shouldn’t be acknowledged by the federal government as legitimate as to grant us the ca 1,200 benefits that come with a legally bound partnership, when you clearly can’t keep your dirty ass dick in your pants? <insert more curse words here>

And this week’s republican scandal is just a drop in the whore-filled sea that is the republican sex scandals. I was going to make a list of every single one in the recent years, but after doing some research I found that that would take me about a year and a half, so I’m just going to put down the juiciest and gayest ones:

2010: Roy Ashburn, California State Senator gets arrested for drunk driving on his way home from a gay bar. Later he admitted to being gay. AssFuckingHole.

2009: Alan David Berlin, aide of Senator Jane Orie of Pennsylvania gets arrested for sending detailed emails to a fifteen year old boy. The emails consisted of sexual innuendos and fantasies where he dressed up as a panda bear (I can’t make this shit up). People with this sexual fetish are called “Furries”, people wanting sex with fifteen year old boys are called pedophiles. PedoBear.

2009: John Ensign, Senator from Nevada gets ousted for fucking around on his wife with a married staffer. Later he accuses her of trying to extort him, but evidence comes out that shows he was trying to pay her off to keep quiet. AssMunch.

2008: Matthew Joseph Elliott, aide of Mitt Romney, is convicted of sexually exploiting a child. PedoAss.

2008: Robert McKee, Maryland delegate, convicted of possession of child porn. PedoFuck.

2007: Robert “Bob” Allen, Florida state representative, got caught by a male undercover cop trying to buy oral sex for $20 from him. CheapFuck.

2007: Richard Curtis, Washington state representative, got caught with a male escort. This fucker voted time and time again against a variety of gay rights-issues. HypocriticalDick.

2006: Mark Foley, Florida republican representative, sex chat with several men. This was attempted to be covered up by such big shots as John Boehner (hehe Boner). AssDick.

2005: John Gosek, Mayor of Oswego, NY, got arrested for paying an undercover cop $250 to take him to a hotel room to have sex with two 15 year old girls. PayingPedo.

2005: Jeff Miller, Senate Caucus Chairman in Tennessee, sponsor of Tennessee Marriage Protection Act, gets divorced because of being an adulterer. He supported the Marriage Protection Act, except for the part about not being a sleezy fuckass and not cheat on your wife. SinfulFuck.

2005: Jeffrey Kyle Randall, Mayor of Clarkfield, Minnesota, got sentenced to jail for molesting two under-aged boys (10 and 12) during a six year period. PedoMayo.

2005: Jim West, Mayor of Spokane, had a sexual relationship with an 18 year old man. He supported bills that would have prevented gay people from working in schools, daycare centers, etc. He also voted against the state being able to distribute pamphlets on how to protect yourself from getting HIV. And lastly said that “any touching of the sexual or other intimate parts of a person” among teenagers should be criminalized. I guess that didn’t work out too well for ya, did it. FittHora.

Ok, those were some of the best examples from the last few years. There’s a whole list of republican sex scandals that can be found here.
http://www.dkosopedia.com/wiki/Republican_Sex_Scandals
Enjoy the reading.

To be a little bit serious for a while. People may come at me saying “not all republicans engage in this behavior” or “not all republicans are against gay rights”. And sure, those people are right. However, there is a buttload of republican sex scandals, ranging from Senators, to Priests, to Radio show hosts. And it is fact that the majority of the republican party has voted against, or come out against, bills/legislatures that would grant gays rights in this country. That’s why this whole thing is so hypocritical. If you think marriage is so holy and should be protected from us evil gays at all cost, then the first step you should take is to keep your dick in your pants. It’s as simple as that. You can’t come to me and tell me that how I live my life is wrong, or sinful, based upon a book that also clearly states what you’re doing is wrong, or sinful. Probably a lot more wrong and sinful than what I’m doing too.

Say what you want about other type of issues the republicans stand for, but honestly, if you are gay and you care about gay rights, are these really the people you want to associate yourself with? (I’m talking to you Jimmy LaSalvia). I understand that people have different ideas about the economy, national protection, welfare systems, or whatever, but at this point in time when we as a group really do lack a lot of rights in society, what is more important? It may be a bit selfish to only focus on this issue, but at the same time, enough is fucking enough (I had to get one more “Fuck” in there).

Fuck count: 15

Why the Floopyness?

People make me so confused sometimes… The other night I was waiting for a sociology class I’m taking to begin (the one I’ve written about here earlier btw), and I was just sitting minding my own business, surfing on my computer or whatever. All of a sudden this girl sitting next to me turned to me and said: “Excuse me, is your name Derek?”… I looked at her, grimaced at her weird growth in the corner of her eye and I told her that it was not. She said “Oh, because you look exactly like a friend of mine, his name is Derek, he’s my best friend’s boyfriend”. Like the good sport I am, I just kind of laughed it off, and just stated that no, I’m not him, we exchanged (and quickly forgot) names and I returned to my computer screen. In my head however this was my response to her: “Bitch, you can’t tell the difference between your best friend’s boyfriend and me? If I would’ve been him, don’t you think I would’ve said hi to you since you stood outside the classroom ogling me like I’m some type of zoo animal in a completely non-subtle way. Or are you just so fucking stupid that you assume that because I look like your friend’s boyfriend, my name must also be Derek?”. Yes, in my head, I am a very mean person.

Once I got home and spoke to my boyfriend about it, he had a different approach to the whole thing, his idea was that there was no friend named Derek at all, that it was just an ice breaker to get to know my name. And I started thinking about it, and it may have been just that. It may also have been an order from her very frilly gay friend that was sitting one chair over listening intensely to our conversation. If he’s gay, he has definitely seen me in one of the few local gay clubs, so he may have been the instigator to the whole thing. Either way, it seemed to just be a lame way to get some info about me…

Are we, as a species, really this floopy about shit? I mean seriously, if you want to know my name, just ask my damn name, I would be very more open to talking to you if I felt like it was real and not either some made up lie to get contact, or just plain stupidity. Granted, this girl was probably still in her teens, or early twenties at best, but come on… you don’t have more game than that? Most other people I have interacted with in classes have been pretty straight with me, I got in contact with one of my best friends in school by pretty much saying hi in a class, asking her name and we pretty much hit it off right away. I don’t like this fakeness or game-playing that some people pull, it’s a big turn off socially for me and it does not make me want to get to know the person any better. And if it was some other agenda, sexual or whatever, it’s just sad. You can’t ask me straight up about something? Hell ask me straight up if I’m gay or not, I got nothing to hide, even though I don’t wear it on my sleeve. The whole thing is just so stupid…

I’m glad I’m in the natural sciences, people seem to be on pretty much the same wavelength as I am most of the time in those classes. I’m taking this weird ass molecularelectromagnonanopenisvagina class (I seriously don’t know the name of it, but it’s something like that… almost at least), and we have so much fun in that class. Granted we are only ten students taking it, but everyone seem to be pretty much on the same level when it comes to interests, aspirations, humor, maturity, etc. and the ages rein from 21 until 40, so it’s pretty diverse to start with. It’s just such a difference interacting with those people than it is interacting with people in classes not directly related to the natural sciences.

Ok, I’m gonna stop ranting about socially awkward people now.
Until next time!

Intellectual Gays = High School Cheerleaders?

So last night I was bored so I decided to check out a certain chat room at a certain gay internet site I am a member of. The room was called ‘intellectuals’ and there were maybe 30 people in the room when I entered. My first thought was, “cool, people are actually talking in here”, but then I started reading what they were talking about, and it was like a dick measuring competition in pretentiousness. Who could write the wittiest joke, who could write the ‘smartest’ thing, who knew things no one else in the room knew. Anyway, I decided to chime in with something small; I wrote that there were a lot of older people in there (which it was, average age was probably around 45). Someone cleverly responded “define old”, and as he had his age (55) in his name I wrote 55. And that apparently pissed another guy off, saying that I was a child, didn’t know anything about what age was, etc. So I told him I was just kidding, and to chill out, I also told him I have a boyfriend who is 47 years old. He then writes a bitchy novel about me and my relationship, about how my bf fucks me silly and then buys me a Prada jacket (I didn’t know Prada made jackets btw) etc, which he posts in the main chat room. I was actually laughing out loud at it, a 45 years old was attacking someone almost half his age over nothing. Anyway, the rest of my visit in the room progressed with practically everyone ignoring anything I tried to say, except one guy that tried to be nice to me the whole time. I finally decided I’ve had enough so I said good night, but didn’t log out right away due to some private conversations that needed ending. It turned out that the minute people thought I logged out, they started talking shit about me behind my back. I put down ‘lol’ and x’d down the chat room.

I thought about the whole a bit today and it seriously felt as if I was the new member of the high school cheer-leading team. At first I got stared at funny, then the head cheerleader bit my head off as soon as I said something, then I got ignored by the whole squad except the one cheerleader that felt bad about being bitchy, and lastly the whole squad talked about me behind my back once I left the room.

It’s funny because I haven’t spent time in that particular chat room before, however I’ve spent many hours talking to other gays that didn’t feel the need to proclaim themselves as ‘intellectual’, but were highly educated in a variety of fields. And never have I experienced such a clicky (read: bitchy) group of gay guys. If you get the chance you should check the room out, it’s quite entertaining to see middle aged men act like teenage girls. As for me, I think that one time was enough.

I Suck, and Not in a Good Way

So, I’ve been saying that I was going to update this blog, even revamp it, now for a while. It seems as if something is always in the way, school work, my laziness, Gran Turismo 5, my laziness… I should be ashamed of myself. Anyway, I have decided on what to do with the blog, I’m just going to write what I feel about whatever I encounter daily. I was going to do something elaborate where I have sources, great ideas, witty language, but you know what… fuck that, I get enough of that in school. Time to get a bit personal, and a bit more light hearted. So the next posts will hit soon, and they will hit hard. Keep posted to my posting of the posts from postland… ok, I’m just rambling now. See you soon.

Sweedie’s Guide to Online Dating Success

I like to chat with people online, I’ve been doing it for a long time and I still do it from time to time. When I started chatting the object was to explore my newly discovered sexuality, and eventually find someone nice and respectable to go on a date with. A lot of people frown upon online dating, and a lot of people should. It can be extremely dirty… but it can also be extremely giving, it mostly depends on what you make it out to be. If you ignore the dirty people just looking for sex, it can be an incredible experience that potentially could find you a mate for life. This was how I met my partner of (soon to be) four years, and this is how some of my best friends met as well. There is some luck involved in finding someone online, and in order to improve your odds, there are some guide lines that should be followed. So here comes my guide on how to create, form, and sculpt your online dating profile in order to improve your odds of finding a potential mate. (I’m going at it from a gay perspective, but straight people are welcome to continue reading on if they like… just be careful so I don’t turn you).

SHOW A PICTURE!!!!!

Sorry for screaming, but this is THE most important step in creating a successful online dating profile. If you’re uncomfortable with showing your face, show your feet, show your ear, show your flabby stomach if that’s what you got, I don’t care what it is, SHOW SOMETHING! It is scientifically proven that an online profile with a picture showing is 456% more successful than profiles without one. Ok, that might have been statistics pulled straight from my boy pussy, but I know for a fact that people on the hunt for someone don’t tend to look at profiles that don’t have a picture showing. So put up a picture!!! Have you done it yet? I’m waiting……. DO IT!!

Write Something Interesting About Yourself

Or at least write something interesting regardless of what it is. If you write something original, funny, or clever you will stand out from the pack. The standard “Hello, I’m X, and I’m looking for Y” doesn’t really work in the online dating jungle anymore (unless you find someone that has a dyeing attraction to variables). Another thing to point out, that I also addresses further down in this point, Be Positive! I see profiles that are filled with self load, and sometimes even anger. Just something as simple as writing “I’m interested in a person that has these qualities: x, y, z” will give such a more positive image of yourself than if you wrote “If you have qualities x, y, z, Don’t contact me!!”. You don’t want to come over as arrogant and angry at the world, nor self loading and desperate. Try to find a good balance of positiveness, originality, humor, and substance.

Make Your Profile As Complete As Possible

Fill out as many options as you’re comfortable with. Not only will this give other people a better sense of who you are, but it will also generate more hits towards your profile when people use the search function on the website.

Look At Other People’s Profiles

Most dating sites have a feature that will allow other people to see who has visited their profile. It seems as if most people are interested to see who has checked them out, and usually they click on those profiles to check them out in return.

Don’t Be Afraid To Say Hi

Even if you think that a person you find attractive is way out of your league, say hi! The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t say hi back, or turns out to be a complete ass (but who wants those people anyway, right?). Spark up a conversation, but don’t start with “You’re so fucking hot, I want to suck you so bad”. That might work if the person you’re approaching is a total slut, but most of the times it doesn’t generate anything but aggression and disgust. Be nice, and take it slow, talk to someone online as you would in real life.

Don’t Pity Yourself

“I’m so lonely, I haven’t had a date in ages, wah wah” STOP IT! No one wants to hear about your failed dating life. Even if you do feel sorry for yourself, and nothing is going your way, don’t let other people know. It’s an instant turn off, and I promise you that being positive will give you a much better chance of getting some interested in you.

Be Truthful

Don’t lie about yourself, it will only come back to haunt you. What if you claim that you have a 9 inch penis, and then you actually get a date with someone and it turns out you only have a 5 inch… awkwaaard. Of course penis size isn’t the only example, and definitely not the most important one, but you get what I mean. Don’t post pictures of someone else, don’t claim that you’re fit as a rock and then show up with a 40 inch waist, don’t claim to make 100 grand a year and then post a picture of you chilling on the front porch of your trailer. This doesn’t mean that you need to reveal everything about yourself right away, but when you do reveal something about yourself, be truthful about it.

Don’t Be Too Picky

You might want to only talk to the people that you find attractive, but there are so many interesting people out there. One thing that I have found is that the people that are very good looking and get a lot of attention won’t pay you much attention in return. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go for it, but just consider talking to someone that you might not find incredibly attractive at the first glance. A person is like an orange, it’s all pretty and tanned on the outside, but the peel is not what you’re after, it’s all the meat on the inside that’s the interesting part. And if you’re lucky, you might even choke on a seed once you get in there.

So, to sum up. Be original, be interesting, show some form of picture, don’t be an ass, don’t eat the peel of the orange, and just be yourself. This will take you a long way, and I promise you it will at least generate more hits to your online dating profile.

The Gays Are To Blame!

This topic is not really related to what I usually discuss on here, but it made me so angry that I needed to say something about it.

I will start this post off by saying; Fuck you, you mothafucking catholic piece of shit. There, I feel better. So, many of you have probably already heard about all the pedophilia scandals that have surfaced from the catholic church. Not only have numerous priests sexually abused children, but the Pope have even tried to cover the whole thing up. To me this is not surprising at all, the catholic church has always had sort of a pedophile-stamp on its name, at least to me and my closest friends. But this whole story is just getting worse and worse. Apparently the popes ‘right hand’ – Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, now blame the gays, or more specifically, homosexuality in its entirely, for these abominations. To quote Amy Poelher and Seth Myers from SNL’s Weekend Update — REALLY?

Yes, homosexuality is to blame for the pedophiles incapability of restraining themselves from touching little kids, and their cowardliness of not admitting that they have a problem and trying to suppress them by becoming celibate priests. In his remarks, the Cardinal quotes a study he ‘recalls’ saying that pedophilia is more related to homosexuality than celibacy. Honestly, I don’t think it is related to any of the two, if you want to be celibate, be celibate, but be completely sure about why you’re becoming celibate. If you just want to score a Disney show and wear tight jeans, fine. But if you’re becoming a priest and thus celibate because you’re aware of the fact that you have some type of sexual disturbance, like having sexual fantasies about children for instance, and thinks that by withholding sex completely it will go away, then you probably need to rethink your decision.

Being gay has nothing to do with having sexual thoughts about kids. Of course there are gay pedophiles too, but I would guess that the percentage of pedophiles is about the same in the gay world as they are within the straight world. There are sick people in all groups, but the really sick ones are the people that don’t admit that they have a problem and seek professional help and instead turn to something as abstract as religion to try to heal themselves. Go and see a psychiatrist for god’s sake.

This whole story makes me sick to my stomach, and it really affirms my belief that religion is mostly an evil power-cartell driven by sick people with waay too much influence over millions of sheep. To end this post on a ironic note, the catholic church as an entity needs to burn in hell.

Update:
Bill Donahue (I believe his official title is “Asshole”) was on Larry King the other night discussing this whole issue. First he says that there has been good steps taken to eliminate the child molestation problems, like excluding gays from the church. Second he says that the sexual abuse was not pedophilia, but homosexuality, because the kids where post-pubescent (a.k.a 11-13 years old). You are out of your mind Bill, it’s not pedophilia as long as the kids have gone through puberty? I’m really starting to understand where the Catholic Church is coming from on this whole thing. It’s a matter of “We can do no wrong, so lets blame homosexuality for our wrong doings”. I guess that is kind of in coupe with how the church in its entirety is run, you sin – confess it, then step away from it.
This is an evil organization that does everything to bring hatred toward my people, EVEN THOUGH they are the ones that have been molesting children and tried to cover it all up.